Tinkerbell Half Marathon Recap

I did it!
Another half marathon down. One to go!

I decided back in September to run the Tinkerbell Half Marathon and the Princess Half Marathon so that I could earn a pink coast to coast medal from runDisney.

And then December came and went and I was really regretting that decision because I've done zero training for any kind of long distance running. I mean, I haven't even been going to Crossfit regularly since I hurt my hand right before Thanksgiving.

So not only was I untrained, but I've packed on a couple of extra pounds to carry along with me as well.

Guess what? It didn't matter. I PR'd!!! By almost 5 minutes. I'm not going to pretend that I'm fast. Because I'm still super slow. But? I did it. Better than last time.

I'll recap, but I'm a total loser and took ZERO pictures. Not even the obligatory post race pic with my medal. Super bummed.

The night before the race I worked until 8pm. Husband picked me up and we went out to dinner. We had originally planned on seafood, but the wait was 45 minutes and I really wanted to get to bed as soon as I could, so we ended up at Outback for some steak instead. I'm not really a huge believer in carb loading before a race, so I high proteined it with a big steak and some salad,  but did eat some of my baked potato on the side. After dinner, we headed back to the hotel. We had decided to stay at a hotel across the street from Disneyland so that I could walk to the race, since it started at 5am! Husband had already checked in to the hotel before grabbing me from work, so we went straight to the room. I showered, laid out all my stuff for the next day and called it a night!

I can't decide if it was the worst bed on the face of the planet, or if I was just anxious about the race, but I tossed and turned all night long. My alarm went off at 330 in the morning and I actually hit snooze I was so tired!

When I got up, I got ready, made a protein shake and grabbed a banana before heading out the door. I walked the one mile to get in to my corral and made it there at about 425. And then waited. And waited. And waited. Finally we saw the fireworks when the national anthem was sung, and then came the first disappointment of the race. There were no fireworks as each corral started. If you have runDisney before, you know that each corral begins with a bang, but not so this time. It was kind of a bummer.

Shortly we were being ushered to start, and then came the anticlimactic start. I have a tendency to start out too fast (relatively speaking) and the slow down a ton at the end, so I had to make a conscious decision to keep it real this time. I decided to use the Jeff Galloway run-walk-run method and it worked out great for me this time!

The first 6ish miles were in the parks, and they were fun!! We wound through both Disneyland and Disney California Adventure, and both backstage areas, and it was a great time, but after mile 6 we headed out on to the streets of Anaheim, and it got kind of boring. The only other races that I have done have had plenty of entertainment to pass the time, so I was kind of disappointed. We ran through some neighborhoods where there was signage with Tinkerbell telling us to be quiet because the neighbors were sleeping. The signs were cute, but I'm sure that is one of the reasons for the lack of entertainment. Around mile 9 my calves started to cramp. BADLY. With each step the corresponding calf would tell me to stop. And I refused. I kept moving regardless, and I'm so glad that I did, because by mile 10ish they had stopped! Husband came out to cheer me on, so when I saw him at mile 11(or so) it was the nicest pick me up, and it gave me the energy to just keep going.

When I hit the 13mile mark, I realized that it was possible for me to get a PR! I tried to run all the way through the finish line, but my body wasn't having any part of it, so I had to walk for about 30 seconds during that last .1, but I ran through the finish line and managed to PR! Given the fact that I haven't been running and I'm carrying some extra weight, I didn't think it was possible, but YAY!!!

Overall, I was a little bit disappointed with the Tinkerbell Half Marathon. The weather was amazing, but other than that, I was more impressed with both the Disneyland Half and the Princess Half marathons. After my Princess Half next month, I think I'm done with this distance for a while. 

Either until I somehow magically run faster, or until I can drop some serious poundage. 

Do you runDisney??

Insta - break

I love me some instagram. You with me?
And I love how some people have formed some truly amazing friendships over a little square box inside of their phone.
But that person is not me. Because I hover. And stalk. In a not really creepy way, I hope.

I've recently been on this crazy kick where I'm really trying to find out who I am and what works for me. And that is really hard to do in these days of instagram.
Because I look at everybody else's instas of their kids frolicking in open fields, and eating ice cream, and baking cupcakes together. And then I try to compare their highlights to my reality, and guess what, I don't measure up.

I watch people transform themselves all happy and yoga-ish and running hundreds of miles all speedy and looking like they just walked out of a salon. And then I get home from the gym and look in the mirror, and dude, you can totally tell that I just got worked at the gym.

I look at all of the amazing friendships that people have formed, and how they have meet ups and get togethers and outings, and I get sad. Because even if I formed friendships like those, I just don't have the time to be so social right now.

I'm not trying to sound all sad and melancholy. Because honestly, it's been really refreshing to take a break from everybody elses life and just focus on my own. 
Focus on how to make my own memories with my kids.
Focus on what to do to make mine a success story.
Focus on figuring out myself, so that I can be a better friend.

I saw this graphic on some one's instagram a couple of weeks ago. ( I know, ironic.)

source

And I saved it to my screen saver.

And then our message in church was on accepting one another. As stated in Romans chapter 14 "Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in the way of a brother or sister." (v. 13)

And then I remembered this post from forever ago. 
Thinking of how much I needed it then.
And how much I still need it now.
This constant reminder that I am only trying to be a better me.
I honestly don't care if I'm better than anybody else. But for some reason I really care when people are better than me.

So I'm trying to stop paying so much attention to how everybody else is doing and start paying more attention to what is going on here. And right now, hearing those words, it sounds super selfish. But maybe that's what needs to happen in order to change things around here.

I deleted instagram from my phone over a week ago.
I'm thinking maybe Facebook is next.

Crossfit: Is it for you?

I know that there is a huge debate about Crossfit.

Some people are like "people get really hurt and they have kidney failure and muscle breakdown, and it's really not a sport, it's just working out."

And other people are like "Crossfit is the best thing that ever happened to anyone. I drink the juice and I think that I am superior because I can do every workout as prescribed and do it faster than any one else on the planet."

And then there are people that are in between those two. People like me. That haven't seen incredible results, despite over a year of trying. But continue to go back each and every day just because they like it.

So you might be asking yourself if you think it's your "cup of tea", and the answer is, you're the only one that can answer that question. But let me tell you why I like it. And maybe it will help you decide if its for you.

1. People tell me what to do. Don't get me wrong. I'm not the type that likes to be bossed around. And my Husband can attest to the fact that my brain automatically turns off when I get told that I need to do anything. But at Crossfit? I love the fact that my workout has been decided for me. I am told what exercises to do to warm up. How to perform the exercise properly. And often times yelled at during the workout because I'm not pushing myself to my full capabilities. These are all luxuries that I wouldn't otherwise have. Luxuries that usually come in the form of a personal trainer. Which brings me to my next point.

2. You basically have a personal trainer. Like I said, the coach tells you how to do each exercise and which exercises to perform. And when I had an injury? The coach came up with a personalized plan, just for me, so that I could continue to work out and keep my endurance up for my upcoming half marathon.

3. Everyone can do it. There are videos on line of people doing Crossfit and performing all kinds of crazy, out of this world stuff. But every single move is scalable to a level that anyone can perform. So you don't have to worry if the person next to you is lifting 5000 pounds if all that you can lift is 25. Do the workout that way. And some day you'll be lifting 5000 pounds too.

4. You are good at something. I am not an endurance athlete. Yes, I have completed three half marathons, but all very slowly. Body weight exercises? Not my strength. This is a lot of weight to lift up over a pull up bar, yo. But weight lifting? I can hold my own. Turns out I'm pretty strong. And the great thing about that is that some work outs pair something I'm really good at with something I'm really bad at, so while I'm out sucking at the run, I can be confident that when I come back in to the gym to lift heavy things, I'm going to rock it.

5. You are not alone. Maybe working out alone is your thing. I envy you. I like being around other people or I get crazy bored. Trust me, I get super mad that I'm last, like, all the time. But it's totally better than being by myself.

6. Muscles. Have you seen crossfitters? They are rad. Muscles everywhere. I, personally, would love to have that many muscles. I will never be a little girl. I am not built to be small, nor do I want to be. I have seen a lot of changes in my body as far as muscle tone and shape that I don't think I would see with any other form of exercise. So muscles. Yes. (p.s. totally not me, though I wish it was.)

source

7. One hour. I am a busy mom. BUSY. So fitting as much work as I can in to one hour is a big deal. And I feel like Crossfit does that for me. And I'm pretty sure my Husband feels the same way. Both of us have run half marathons without running hundreds of miles before hand. The whole premise behind Crossfit is functional fitness. Being fit enough to do anything at any time. And to be able to train for that in one hour a day? Sold.

see? two half marathons. only crossfit.

These are only the reasons that I, personally, like Crossfit. Yes, it's expensive. And yes, it is sometimes a chore to make it to the assigned class time. But you get way more than you pay for.

Try it out.

See if you like it.

You might find that you are capable of far more than you give yourself credit for.

Just let me know how it goes...

Nine Years

Nine years ago, I married this man.

The man that I never knew I wanted and for sure never believed that I deserve.
But he is willing to accept every flaw that I have, and I have never felt so loved as I do with him around me.
I've told you that he's rad.
But seriously, I mean it.
Words don't do him justice.

I'm so grateful for him. So grateful that God chose him for me. Set him aside. Prepared my heart. Prepared his heart.

And so grateful that he continues to choose me, everyday.

I love you Husband! Thank you for the best nine years I could have ever asked for!

On Not Meeting Goals

Last week I made some goals that seemed pretty achievable.

And I was super confident as of Monday that I would blow them out of the water. And then Friday came, and I knew for sure that I would be able to check off every single box.

And then Sunday morning came.

And you guys. I didn't even lose two pounds.

Flabbergasted.

As of Friday morning I was down 4.2 pounds. I made the choice to have some French Fries with dinner. My dinner of steamed vegetables and baked chicken. SOME french fries.

Saturday morning? Up a little bit. Totally expected. But still well on my way to being down those two pounds.

My eating on Saturday? On point. No french fries.

And then I stepped on the scale on Sunday morning. 1.4 pounds lost. Which means three pounds gained. Don't get me wrong. I'm happy that I lost even that much. It's way better than my past weeks of no change on the scale.

But for reals?

The only thing that I can think of that messed it up was sleep. My work schedule is rough on the weekends. I got about five hours of sleep on Friday night and about four hours on Saturday. I've always heard of the link between sleep and weight loss, but I never imagined that it would be this drastic.

So... I'm switching my weigh in days to Friday again. In the past this has always set me up for binging on the weekends knowing that I had an entire week to "fix" the damage. But what I can't fix? Sleep. So I'm going to try to see if weighing in on Friday changes anything. And I'm going to control my eating on the weekends, just like I do during the week.

And if that doesn't work? I'll try something else. This time I am not giving up. I am determined to get this weight off.

Goals and Positive self talk

After my super downer last post, I decided something needed to change. 

So I'm pulling on my big girl panties and sucking it up.

I set some goals for myself and wrote them out, front and center, so that I see them every morning and can stay focused and on track. I made them small and attainable so that I'm not overwhelmed, and I will feel accomplished and encouraged when they are met. (I may or may not have stepped on the scale this morning and seen a number that surpassed my first goal. But according to my husband it doesn't count unless that same number shows up on the scale on Sunday as well.)

And I decided to write myself some love notes. On my mirror. So that I see more than my reflection.

I decided to start with "You are worthy." Because I do believe that I am worthy of so much more than I am right now. I am worthy of so much more love than I give myself, and I am worthy of a much healthier, happier life.

On my other mirror it says "made for more". God created me for more than this. I know that. I just need to remind myself of it often, because it is so easy to fall back in to the trap of feeling sorry for myself.

I'll update soon, because I'm sure I'll want to shout to the world when I can cross these goals off of my list. And I really think that changing them every week is going to be a big motivation for me. Rethinking my plan each week will really help me to stay focused this time. (at least that's my hope.)

Heavy

I took a break.
I felt kind of like a fraud.
Blogging about weight loss and fitness when I'm not losing weight doesn't really seem right.

But I'm back.
If for no other reason than to voice feelings that don't seem to have any other place.

So here I am.
And things feel really heavy.
I'm still carrying around at least 30 or 40 extra pounds, and probably even 50 or 60 if I go by what all the charts say that I should weigh. I've been doing Crossfit for a year now, and I haven't seen a huge difference in my body, which is super frustrating. I've also toyed around with all kinds of different eating. Paleo. Gluten free. Counting calories. I'm still trying to find what works for me, and that sucks.

But more than that, my life feels really heavy.
The responsibility of raising four kids to be kind, well-mannered, loving, giving people in this crazy world seems like a burden that I'm not prepared to bear.
Working two jobs so that our kids and our family can be comfortable and debt free seems like unending captivity.
Trying to lose this weight and set a good example for my kids so that they never have to struggle like I have seems like an impossible feat.

I would like to think that I have enough faith to believe that God has it all under control. That I can let Him carry my burdens for me and that I shouldn't worry about any of this. But that is just.so.hard.

I'm staying on this journey not only to lose the physical weight, but to see if maybe I can figure out a way to make the emotional baggage seem not so heavy also.

Thanks for sticking around!