Thursday, January 6, 2011

Blurry Lines

I usually avoid mirrors. Mostly, because I don't enjoy looking at myself in them. But also, because if you stare at them long enough, the person staring back just doesn't look the same anymore.

I'm in a weird place right now. I want to think that I know who I am, but I'm not recognizing the person living in my skin (of which there is far too much, by the way).

She craves going for a run, she sews (or at least tries to), she thinks she's all crafty, and she has been able to turn down sugar for four days now.

Totally not me. At least not the me that I used to know. 

And yet I often see glimpses of the me that I am so familiar with. The one that doesn't like to commit to anything (or at least let anybody know about it), for fear of failure. The one that would rather lay in bed for another 15 minutes instead of squeezing in a run. The one that can't wait until Saturday, when she can have a cupcake for her daughters birthday.

I can't tell where one person ends and the other begins. And I don't know how to live in a world where they coexist.


Shannie (akaSolidice242) said...

wow... I can definitely relate to this post. Thanks for sharing

Adrienne said...

It's definitely normal. We are all that way from time to time. Our "flesh" wants the bad for us.. the easy.. but our "spirit" wants right. Just like it says in the bible. Your not alone. Pray and ask God for help to not listen to your flesh. I have to! :)

seattlerunnergirl said...

Oh my just took the words out of my HEAD! I, too, and living in the "space between" my two Valeries. One who is fit and healthy and active and LOVES it. And the other who wants to sit on the couch with a pint of Ben & Jerry's while watching the Biggest Loser. I don't know how to be both of them, but I don't really know how to be the old me anymore, either. So..I guess we just hang out here, keep making progress, and be okay with the tension for a while, right?

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