Thursday, February 24, 2011


There have been no victories on the scale for me lately, so I've had to find success in other areas.

Like the fact that I can finally do 10 burpees without throwing up.

And the fact that the size 14 jeans that I recently bought are fitting just a little bit better. (read: I no longer have to squat to get them on, a simple wiggle will do)

People are commenting on how much more weight I've lost. Which, by the way, how do I respond? 
"I actually haven't lost any more, but thank you"? Or is a simple "thank you" enough?

And the fact that right now, as we speak, there is a bag of Reeses Peanut Butter Cups on our kitchen counter (from when I made these for a bunco party) and I'm actually thinking of not even eating one.

Oh, and Made to Crave ? Changing everything. Just so you know.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

What would you do?

I have been going to a crazy bootcamp for the past month or so. And while I am seeing great improvements in my fitness, (um, 11 minute mile?) I am not losing weight.

I have been pretty diligent about counting calories, staying around 1500 or 1600 for the most part, and I have not lost a single pound.

I'm not complaining, just stating facts. 

I'm having a hard time with it, because yes, I do want to get more fit and be able to do more, physically. But I am desperate to see a change on the scale.

I love bootcamp. It pushes me to do things that I would never even attempt by myself.

I miss running. The music in my ears, my feet hitting the pavement, the fresh air on my face.

I'm trying to decide whether I should continue with bootcamp for the next couple of weeks, go back to what I was doing before, or even try something new all together. Or maybe combine all of them?

My main goal through this whole process has been to get healthy, and with that has to come some weight loss, which at the moment is not happening.

So my question is, what would you do?

Thursday, February 17, 2011

This is my blog

This is my blog. My place to say what I want. 

Read, or don't read.

I started it as a way to keep myself accountable. To journal how I was feeling.

And yes, there are times when I'm not always happy. 

And there are times when I'm discouraged and disappointed and frustrated.

I have every right to feel that way.

I recently got a comment that is kind of making my head spin.

This blog is about MY weight loss journey, and how I'M feeling about where I am (with my weight loss).

Just because I complain about not losing weight, or not running fast enough, or not being happy with the way that I look does not mean that I am not grateful for all of the blessings in my life. 

I know that my attitude effects the people around me. Which is why I thank God every day for a husband who is so completely encouraging and supportive.

A husband who tells me how proud he is of me 

And yes, I'm sure that I frustrate him, but I know that I also make him smile.

Just like he frustrates me, and also makes me smile. Because we are doing this thing together.

He is on this journey with me, 100%. He lifts me up when I am discouraged and celebrates with me when it is well deserved (and sometimes even when its not).

So yes, I complain on my blog. And probably a little bit too much. But that does not mean that I am unhappy in life.

Just unhappy in the weight loss world.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Who Knew?

We went to a super fun Karaoke party this weekend and let's just say that I over-indulged.

I drank (almost) a whole pitcher of sangria, and after it was gone, I decided I would just whip up some more. In my glass. By mixing red wine and sprite. Apparently that is not how sangria is made. Who knew?

These lovely little snacks were found in not just one, but two locations at the party. Yes, they make candy corn for Valentine's Day. Who knew?

sorry that the pic is kind of blurry, it was taken on a cell phone

Bootcamp is doing some serious butt kicking. However, I have noticed a very unfortunate decline in the amount of calories I burn doing the same activities that I have always done. So apparently, being more fit means you have to work harder at the same thing to get the same results. Who knew? (ok, this one I actually knew, but it sucks, and I wanted to complain about it without really complaining, so here it is)

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

For Her Sake

For the longest time I have identified myself as the fat girl. 

The only time that I haven't thought that way was right around my wedding, when I was the lightest I've been as an adult, still weighing in at about 175 pounds.

I've just come to accept that I will never like what I see in the mirror. 

I will always try to wear clothes that hide my body.

I will always try to take attention away from my weight.

But I'm really tired of trying to find worth in what everyone else sees.

I really want to look in the mirror and be content with the reflection.

Even if its not for me, I need to set a good example for her.

Because she listens, and she watches, and she remembers.

And I would hate for her to struggle with body image issues the way that I have. 

I think that she is so beautiful, in every single way.

And I need to know how to convince her of that, every day. How to encourage her to stand tall despite her height, how to show her kindness through her actions as well as her smile, and how to respect herself first, in every situation.

Because I don't really have enough experience with self love and respect to pass on any good habits.

So I'll try to learn. One day at a time. 

For her sake.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Own Your Beauty

Over at BlogHer, they are having a year long campaign to Own Your Beauty. Each month focuses on  a different aspect. For February it happens to be spirituality.

This comes at a perfect time for me, since I seem to be having a kind of dry spell. I'll be spending some time over there looking for some inspiration. I hope you'll check it out!!

Saturday, February 5, 2011


Who works out 5 days a week and burns almost a pound worth of calories? Oh, that's right, me.

Who counts calories and doesn't go over 1800 calories a day, even on her worst day? That's me too.

Who GAINS 2.4 pounds in this same week? Me.


Thursday, February 3, 2011

This is What I Do

This is what I do when I am unhappy, or bored.

I cut my hair.

Because cutting your hair totally gets rid of all the yuck.

Cutting your hair gets rid of all of the other things that are making you unhappy.

Cutting your hair is like changing your life.

For like, a day. When everybody notices and tells you how cute your hair is.

Then you're stuck with high maintenance hair in an I-need-low-maintenance-hair life.

At least it's cute, right?

Tuesday, February 1, 2011


It is no secret that I am having a hard time being satisfied with my weight loss.

I lost another 0.4 this week, and yet it's just not enough.

I'm at the lowest weight that I've been since before getting pregnant with our first baby.

And it is such a struggle to get past this weight.

I really feel like I can't work any harder.

And I'm just unsatisfied.

So I'm turning to food as comfort. Just like I used to. The reason that I'm on this journey to begin with.

I know that it's not the answer.

And the crazy thing is, the food doesn't satisfy me either.

So I'm just unsatisfied.