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Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Insta - break

I love me some instagram. You with me?
And I love how some people have formed some truly amazing friendships over a little square box inside of their phone.
But that person is not me. Because I hover. And stalk. In a not really creepy way, I hope.

I've recently been on this crazy kick where I'm really trying to find out who I am and what works for me. And that is really hard to do in these days of instagram.
Because I look at everybody else's instas of their kids frolicking in open fields, and eating ice cream, and baking cupcakes together. And then I try to compare their highlights to my reality, and guess what, I don't measure up.

I watch people transform themselves all happy and yoga-ish and running hundreds of miles all speedy and looking like they just walked out of a salon. And then I get home from the gym and look in the mirror, and dude, you can totally tell that I just got worked at the gym.

I look at all of the amazing friendships that people have formed, and how they have meet ups and get togethers and outings, and I get sad. Because even if I formed friendships like those, I just don't have the time to be so social right now.

I'm not trying to sound all sad and melancholy. Because honestly, it's been really refreshing to take a break from everybody elses life and just focus on my own. 
Focus on how to make my own memories with my kids.
Focus on what to do to make mine a success story.
Focus on figuring out myself, so that I can be a better friend.

I saw this graphic on some one's instagram a couple of weeks ago. ( I know, ironic.)

source


And I saved it to my screen saver.

And then our message in church was on accepting one another. As stated in Romans chapter 14 "Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in the way of a brother or sister." (v. 13)

And then I remembered this post from forever ago. 
Thinking of how much I needed it then.
And how much I still need it now.
This constant reminder that I am only trying to be a better me.
I honestly don't care if I'm better than anybody else. But for some reason I really care when people are better than me.

So I'm trying to stop paying so much attention to how everybody else is doing and start paying more attention to what is going on here. And right now, hearing those words, it sounds super selfish. But maybe that's what needs to happen in order to change things around here.

I deleted instagram from my phone over a week ago.
I'm thinking maybe Facebook is next.

Thursday, September 26, 2013

Crossfit: Is it for you?

I know that there is a huge debate about Crossfit.

Some people are like "people get really hurt and they have kidney failure and muscle breakdown, and it's really not a sport, it's just working out."

And other people are like "Crossfit is the best thing that ever happened to anyone. I drink the juice and I think that I am superior because I can do every workout as prescribed and do it faster than any one else on the planet."

And then there are people that are in between those two. People like me. That haven't seen incredible results, despite over a year of trying. But continue to go back each and every day just because they like it.

So you might be asking yourself if you think it's your "cup of tea", and the answer is, you're the only one that can answer that question. But let me tell you why I like it. And maybe it will help you decide if its for you.

1. People tell me what to do. Don't get me wrong. I'm not the type that likes to be bossed around. And my Husband can attest to the fact that my brain automatically turns off when I get told that I need to do anything. But at Crossfit? I love the fact that my workout has been decided for me. I am told what exercises to do to warm up. How to perform the exercise properly. And often times yelled at during the workout because I'm not pushing myself to my full capabilities. These are all luxuries that I wouldn't otherwise have. Luxuries that usually come in the form of a personal trainer. Which brings me to my next point.

2. You basically have a personal trainer. Like I said, the coach tells you how to do each exercise and which exercises to perform. And when I had an injury? The coach came up with a personalized plan, just for me, so that I could continue to work out and keep my endurance up for my upcoming half marathon.

3. Everyone can do it. There are videos on line of people doing Crossfit and performing all kinds of crazy, out of this world stuff. But every single move is scalable to a level that anyone can perform. So you don't have to worry if the person next to you is lifting 5000 pounds if all that you can lift is 25. Do the workout that way. And some day you'll be lifting 5000 pounds too.

4. You are good at something. I am not an endurance athlete. Yes, I have completed three half marathons, but all very slowly. Body weight exercises? Not my strength. This is a lot of weight to lift up over a pull up bar, yo. But weight lifting? I can hold my own. Turns out I'm pretty strong. And the great thing about that is that some work outs pair something I'm really good at with something I'm really bad at, so while I'm out sucking at the run, I can be confident that when I come back in to the gym to lift heavy things, I'm going to rock it.

5. You are not alone. Maybe working out alone is your thing. I envy you. I like being around other people or I get crazy bored. Trust me, I get super mad that I'm last, like, all the time. But it's totally better than being by myself.

6. Muscles. Have you seen crossfitters? They are rad. Muscles everywhere. I, personally, would love to have that many muscles. I will never be a little girl. I am not built to be small, nor do I want to be. I have seen a lot of changes in my body as far as muscle tone and shape that I don't think I would see with any other form of exercise. So muscles. Yes. (p.s. totally not me, though I wish it was.)

source


7. One hour. I am a busy mom. BUSY. So fitting as much work as I can in to one hour is a big deal. And I feel like Crossfit does that for me. And I'm pretty sure my Husband feels the same way. Both of us have run half marathons without running hundreds of miles before hand. The whole premise behind Crossfit is functional fitness. Being fit enough to do anything at any time. And to be able to train for that in one hour a day? Sold.

see? two half marathons. only crossfit.

These are only the reasons that I, personally, like Crossfit. Yes, it's expensive. And yes, it is sometimes a chore to make it to the assigned class time. But you get way more than you pay for.

Try it out.

See if you like it.

You might find that you are capable of far more than you give yourself credit for.

Just let me know how it goes...

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Nine Years

Nine years ago, I married this man.



The man that I never knew I wanted and for sure never believed that I deserve.
But he is willing to accept every flaw that I have, and I have never felt so loved as I do with him around me.
I've told you that he's rad.
But seriously, I mean it.
Words don't do him justice.

I'm so grateful for him. So grateful that God chose him for me. Set him aside. Prepared my heart. Prepared his heart.

And so grateful that he continues to choose me, everyday.

I love you Husband! Thank you for the best nine years I could have ever asked for!

Monday, September 23, 2013

On Not Meeting Goals

Last week I made some goals that seemed pretty achievable.

And I was super confident as of Monday that I would blow them out of the water. And then Friday came, and I knew for sure that I would be able to check off every single box.

And then Sunday morning came.

And you guys. I didn't even lose two pounds.




Flabbergasted.

As of Friday morning I was down 4.2 pounds. I made the choice to have some French Fries with dinner. My dinner of steamed vegetables and baked chicken. SOME french fries.

Saturday morning? Up a little bit. Totally expected. But still well on my way to being down those two pounds.

My eating on Saturday? On point. No french fries.

And then I stepped on the scale on Sunday morning. 1.4 pounds lost. Which means three pounds gained. Don't get me wrong. I'm happy that I lost even that much. It's way better than my past weeks of no change on the scale.

But for reals?

The only thing that I can think of that messed it up was sleep. My work schedule is rough on the weekends. I got about five hours of sleep on Friday night and about four hours on Saturday. I've always heard of the link between sleep and weight loss, but I never imagined that it would be this drastic.

So... I'm switching my weigh in days to Friday again. In the past this has always set me up for binging on the weekends knowing that I had an entire week to "fix" the damage. But what I can't fix? Sleep. So I'm going to try to see if weighing in on Friday changes anything. And I'm going to control my eating on the weekends, just like I do during the week.

And if that doesn't work? I'll try something else. This time I am not giving up. I am determined to get this weight off.


Monday, September 16, 2013

Goals and Positive self talk

After my super downer last post, I decided something needed to change. 

So I'm pulling on my big girl panties and sucking it up.

I set some goals for myself and wrote them out, front and center, so that I see them every morning and can stay focused and on track. I made them small and attainable so that I'm not overwhelmed, and I will feel accomplished and encouraged when they are met. (I may or may not have stepped on the scale this morning and seen a number that surpassed my first goal. But according to my husband it doesn't count unless that same number shows up on the scale on Sunday as well.)



And I decided to write myself some love notes. On my mirror. So that I see more than my reflection.

I decided to start with "You are worthy." Because I do believe that I am worthy of so much more than I am right now. I am worthy of so much more love than I give myself, and I am worthy of a much healthier, happier life.

On my other mirror it says "made for more". God created me for more than this. I know that. I just need to remind myself of it often, because it is so easy to fall back in to the trap of feeling sorry for myself.

I'll update soon, because I'm sure I'll want to shout to the world when I can cross these goals off of my list. And I really think that changing them every week is going to be a big motivation for me. Rethinking my plan each week will really help me to stay focused this time. (at least that's my hope.)


Thursday, September 12, 2013

Heavy

I took a break.
I felt kind of like a fraud.
Blogging about weight loss and fitness when I'm not losing weight doesn't really seem right.

But I'm back.
If for no other reason than to voice feelings that don't seem to have any other place.

So here I am.
And things feel really heavy.
I'm still carrying around at least 30 or 40 extra pounds, and probably even 50 or 60 if I go by what all the charts say that I should weigh. I've been doing Crossfit for a year now, and I haven't seen a huge difference in my body, which is super frustrating. I've also toyed around with all kinds of different eating. Paleo. Gluten free. Counting calories. I'm still trying to find what works for me, and that sucks.

But more than that, my life feels really heavy.
The responsibility of raising four kids to be kind, well-mannered, loving, giving people in this crazy world seems like a burden that I'm not prepared to bear.
Working two jobs so that our kids and our family can be comfortable and debt free seems like unending captivity.
Trying to lose this weight and set a good example for my kids so that they never have to struggle like I have seems like an impossible feat.

I would like to think that I have enough faith to believe that God has it all under control. That I can let Him carry my burdens for me and that I shouldn't worry about any of this. But that is just.so.hard.

I'm staying on this journey not only to lose the physical weight, but to see if maybe I can figure out a way to make the emotional baggage seem not so heavy also.

Thanks for sticking around!

Monday, January 21, 2013

Have you ever?

Just when I thought I was ready to endure anything, God is totally putting me to the test.

Two weeks ago I was sprinting at crossfit and heard a "pop" in the bottom of my foot, followed by the inability to walk without pain.

The next day I went to see an orthopedist (so thankful for amazing health insurance) and was diagnosed with a tear of my plantar fascia. It's the muscle on the bottom of your foot that runs across the arch, from your heel to the ball of your foot.

Ouch.



So I had a beautiful boot for two weeks, and now I'm back to limping in whatever shoes I choose.

The good news is, I've still been working out. My trainers came up with a program for me that includes swimming and a whole bunch of other stuff. So I'm totally staying active.

My question is, have you ever run a half marathon six weeks after an injury that keeps you from doing any impact on your foot?

Because I'm going to.
I'll let you know how it goes.

Thursday, January 3, 2013

Endurance

2012 was a rough year, I'm not going to say anything more.

So I'm really looking forward to 2013.
I am hopeful that I can finally get to a happier place. 
That I can reach my goal weight.
That I can sustain a healthy lifestyle.

But it is going to take endurance.
My biggest struggle has always been endurance.
Learning to keep going when things get rough. Because it's so much easier to just quit.
But this year I will not quit.
I will not make excuses.
I will endure all of the challenges.
I will become a better version of me.
The version that I know has been trapped inside for so long.

...and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us,looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith... (Hebrews 12:1-2)

I feel like I have the potential to be awesome.
If only I can endure all of the hard work that it will take me to get there.
If only I can put my big girl panties on and just suck it up and stick with it.