Nine Years

Nine years ago, I married this man.

The man that I never knew I wanted and for sure never believed that I deserve.
But he is willing to accept every flaw that I have, and I have never felt so loved as I do with him around me.
I've told you that he's rad.
But seriously, I mean it.
Words don't do him justice.

I'm so grateful for him. So grateful that God chose him for me. Set him aside. Prepared my heart. Prepared his heart.

And so grateful that he continues to choose me, everyday.

I love you Husband! Thank you for the best nine years I could have ever asked for!

Reality Check

I've been feeling really good about myself.
I've lost almost 13 pounds.
I've stuck with my whole sugar free craziness.
I fit in to non maternity jeans.
I've been exercising at least three times a week (including a 4 mile run, thankyouverymuch).

And then today my three year old looks up at me with his enormous blue eyes and very innocently says "Mommy, when you sit down you look fat."


Never mind that I have no idea where he heard that.
Or that he didn't mean to hurt my feelings, because after all, he's only three.
I had the whole "that's not kind" talk with him. And the "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all" talk, too.
Because I think that I might be totally mortified if he said that to anyone except me.


But I got a very serious reality check that I still have so far to go. And as awesome as I feel, it was a true reflection of how other people see me. He wasn't lying.


So I guess I'll have to refrain from sitting for a while longer. You know, until I don't look fat anymore.

Less Than

I've been struggling lately.
A lot.
Four kids is hard times.
And I know that I have done nothing but complain about it, and I'm sorry, but this is where I am.


And I can't help but wonder how every body else does it. Because, surely, I am not the only one with four kids.
But I can't seem to find the time to clean the house, or do the crafting, or make it to the store with all the children in tow.


So you can imagine, that when I saw the Valentines baskets at school, and they were filled with things like this...

Source: zakkalife.blogspot.com via Becky on Pinterest

I felt a little bit less than.
Less than the mom who has enough energy to put so much effort in to a Valentine for my kid at school.
When all that I got around to was tearing off the card and getting the kid to sign their name.
Less than the mom who can make a Costco run with all four kids in tow.
Less than the mom who can decorate the house for whichever holiday is coming up next.
And less than the mom that I know that my kids deserve.


I'm trying to find confidence in the victories that I have made, like making it to the gym, or going for a walk, or even staying sugar free.
But I'm totally discouraged by how much less I can get accomplished with another body in the house!


At least the newest body is cute.

One proud momma

One of the biggest reasons for wanting to get healthy is to set a good example for my kids.
And some of my favorite moments are seeing them at the finish line of any of my races.


I'm totally not in race shape (given that I just had a new baby and all) but thought that it would be fun if they could run a race to start getting them more involved. 
Husband found the Disney Kid Races a couple of months ago and signed them up, and I'm so glad he did!


They broke them down in to age categories with the 1-3 year olds running 100 meters, and the 4-6 year olds running 200 meters. All through Disney's California Adventure!!


The race was super fun, but surprisingly a little bit disorganized, especially for a Disney event. When we first arrived, there was a huge line to get in to the park, because they were bag checking every body and it was essentially a single file line.

waiting to get in to the park

Once we were inside, they filtered every body to the back of the park, to a holding area. It was divided in to three areas, one for each age group, and it was there that we waited. And waited. And waited.

waiting

and waiting

and waiting

The race was supposed to start at 8am, but because of the long line out front they had to push back the start time.
And then they had the older kids (whose distance was one mile) run first. So we waited for them. Finally it was our turn to go, but the kids decided that they wanted to run together (which was so fun), so they both ended up running the 200 meters, together. (I love that my kids like to do so much together).


Once the race started, it was done in true Disney fashion. They started the kids in small groups, of maybe 10-15 kids, so that it wasn't a big huge mob of people running down the course. This also allowed each kids name to be called as they crossed the finish line. And they were greeted by Disney characters!!
My 3 year old even got to give Mickey a high five as he crossed the finish!

the finish line

After the race they were corralled in to a big area where they were offered Clif bars, water bottles, bananas, bagels, and fruit ropes. As though they had just run a half marathon or something. But they loved it!


Mallory ran way faster than I thought she would, and I even missed her as she came running through the finish line, but I was able to catch Daddy and Donovan, and I was so proud! It was so fun to see how much fun he was having.


We decided that we would sign them up for the same race in September, when I run the half marathon at Disneyland, and make a weekend trip out of it. Happy memories, for sure!!


I am so proud of my kids for doing such a great job, and can't wait to do it again!

After the race with their Super Cool medals

I love...

I love that these little piggies are patient enough to accompany me on a 2.5 mile walk.

I love that Husband did some grocery shopping this weekend and loaded me up with these.

I love that the kids think that these are dessert. (And I'm totally not against bribing)

I love that when I'm pregnant I'm allowed to buy dill pickles.

And I love that its just about summer time, which means flip flops, salads, and sleeping in.

What do you love?

Okay.

So here's the situation.

I finished the Joggermom marathon.
I've managed to lose 3 pounds.

And... I'm almost 11 weeks pregnant.

With all of my other pregnancies, by this point, I've stopped exercising and gained somewhere between 5 and 10 pounds.
Most of the time, by this point, I have to think about pulling out the maternity clothes because "I'm just showing so much sooner" (which really is code for 'I can't stop shoving food in my mouth and I'm bloated and fat').

I didn't lose the weight because of the exercise.
That happened because I'm so stinking nauseated that I don't want to eat. At all.
But that hasn't stopped me from indulging in some of my favorite things.

This showed up on my doorstep yesterday from Julie over at Joy's Hope.

The cupcake? Yum.
The friendship bread? Heavenly.
And I even got my own starter.
But none of this means I'm going to go to back to where I started.

Yes, I will gain weight.
But I will also continue to exercise, even if it's only a daily walk.
I will make good food choices.
I will continue to set a good example for my kids.
And come January, you better believe I'll be starting to train for a half marathon.

Four kids and all. YIKES!

Who am I?

I am a child of God.
I am a wife.
I am a mother.
I am a daughter. A sister. A friend.
I am a nurse.


I am also the fat girl. The fat mom.
The mom that yells at her kids. That scolds them for doing things that all kids do.
The mom that wishes she wasn't that mom. That dreams of children running through rainbows with happy laughter and sweet smiles. 
The mom that dreams of pigtails tied with ribbons, and little boys dressed in pinstripes. Adorned with perfect, obedient smiles.


I am not the mom that has perfectly behaved children, who still manages to get dinner on the table and keep the hardwood floors clear of debris.


I am just me. An overweight woman trying to make things make sense everyday. Trying to set a good example for my children. And failing. Every day, with some mistake. Some poor choice.


I wish that I could say that I am a success story. But right now, I am not. My story is still being told. With chapters being put on hold as life gets in the way.


All I know is that I love my kids with all of my heart. I want more than anything to be a good mom. To be a good wife. To be a good daughter. To be a good person. And at some point, to be that success story.


The one that you guys are all rooting for. The one that you guys encourage. The one that I know is inside of me.


Happy Mother's Day!!

Lookie Here

Pretty cool, eh?
It's a wall hanging for all of my medals and stuff from races. (Cause, you know, I have so many)
Husband designed it for me.
Stay tuned to find out where you can get one too!

Vegas...

So I think that whatever happened in Vegas totally didn't stay in Vegas. 
It came home with me, and I'm afraid it will join me on the scale this week.


Alcohol.
Food.
Walking.


I normally don't drink, but for an occasional sip here or there, but I totally did the tourist thing and shared a yard long margarita with Husband Saturday night. And then there was the second margarita on Sunday afternoon. I would like to say that I feel really guilty about both of them. But I don't. I love me a margarita, and it's been a really long time since I had one. Or two.


I pretty much threw caution to the wind this weekend when it came to food choices. I know that I could have done better, but I enjoyed every single calorie and savored every bite.


Oh, the walking. I know for a fact that Sunday afternoon alone we put in at least 5 miles. After our trip to the gym on Sunday morning. So I know that I could have made better choices on what I put in to my mouth. But I also know that we could have gotten in our car and driven everywhere, and instead we walked.


I am in no way delusional enough to think that walking around Vegas is in any way going to negate the thousands of calories that I ingested this weekend. Nor am I trying to justify it.


But we had a great time in Vegas. 
Just Husband and me.
No children.
No schedule.


How do you do Vegas?

Off Topic

Totally off topic today. 
Sorry.


Today is opening day. The first day of baseball season. Which means that until October, there will be a lot of baseball talk around this house. A LOT. Husband can hardly wait to get home from work so that he can watch the game I taped. The 2 year old is already asking to go to a game with Daddy. It's going to be another long 7 months.




This guy?

Yummy.
So. Stinking. Yummy.
I am so in love with him. Every minute. Of every day.




This?

Love. 
Husband has been working SO hard around here lately. And yes, my family room pretty much always lives in a state of disaster. I'm trying to be over it.




And I would totally post a picture of the 2 year old in nothing but a diaper and flip flops with his goggles on and a toy power tool in his hand, but I'm not that mean. Just picture it in your head. Loving every minute of this kid thing. ( Except the 6am wake up thing. That's totally not working for me.)




And if you haven't checked out Husband yet as he tries to train for a triathlon in the middle of working full time, taking care of our family, and being just overall AMAZING, check him out.


That is all. 


Have a great weekend!

Light as a Feather

I always forget how the gym makes me feel.
Because I dread going.
And then I do, and I feel so much better.


I sucked it up today and paid the ridiculous amount of money to put all three kids in the childcare at the gym. 


I did a BodyPump class and then ran a mile on the treadmill when it was all done.
I left sweaty and tired, and feeling light as a feather.
I know that I should remember this and make the sacrifice more often.


But I'm really struggling with taking the kids to the gym every day, when it is me that should be watching them. 
And playing with them.
And teaching them.
Not shoving them in to some room with 5 other kids to run wild while Snow White plays in the background.

How do you find the balance between taking care of yourself and taking care of your kids?

So Proud

I have an amazing Husband.
He works hard every day to provide for our family.
He gets out of bed early every day to work out and take care of himself.
And most recently, he decided he's going to do a triathlon.
I have never really had any desire to do one, so my knowledge of training, preparing, etc. is um, none.
So if you have been there, and done that, or are in the process of doing so, can you help a guy out?
He's pretty awesome.
And he could use your help.
Go visit him here.
Thanks!!