I have been struggling lately with feeling beautiful.
I know that this is not new.
I know that it is not a revelation.
I look at myself in the mirror, and I see that I am overweight.
That I have stretch marks.
That I will have extra skin when I eventually reach goal.
And I wonder if I will ever feel beautiful.
Because I know that I can feel proud.
And I know that I can feel different.
I don't doubt the person that I am inside.
I know that I am all of the things that I want my daughter to be.
Compassionate, thoughtful, generous, responsible, loyal.
But the outside is, and will always be the issue.
I see women come in to work all of the time with complications from cosmetic surgery.
Some women do it after losing large amounts of weight.
Some to prevent the aging process.
But they all take big risks to make their bodies look different. To look beautiful.
I've always thought that the wrinkles on my face and the stretch marks on my body tell my story.
They are a part of who I was, who I am, and who I will be.
But they are also a huge part of why I just don't feel beautiful.
Because I raise my arm, and they are there. Staring right back at me, as if they are belittling my accomplishments and reminding me of my mistakes.
Reminding me that I was here to begin with.
So I guess I sit here and wonder if it is possible to ever feel beautiful on the outside.
With stretch marks, and extra skin, and wrinkles.
Because when I see them on other people I think they are beautiful.
They tell stories. They add character. They make people unique.
So why do I not feel the same about myself?