Overwhelmed

I am so overwhelmed by everything right now, I'm finding it hard to focus.
Overwhelmed by how much weight I still have to lose.
Overwhelmed by sick kids.
Overwhelmed by the mess that used to be my house.
Overwhelmed by schedules and trying to stick with them.
By the subpoenas, and the babysitting, and the antibiotics, and the bootcamp, and the calorie counting.
Overwhelmed.
And what I have to show for it is two new jars of flavored peanut butter and a mommy that continually yells at her children. 
Nice.

Negative Nancy

I went in to Saturday's weigh in feeling optimistic.

Surely, after all of the work that I put in this week, I would lose at least 2 pounds.

I mean, I burned 3600 calories in exercise alone! That right there is one pound.

Then, if you add in the calorie deficit caused by eating vegan all week, I'm sure that would equal at least another pound.

WRONG.

1.4. One point four pounds lost.

I keep wondering if I'm negative about everything to protect myself. Because negative me wouldn't have even expected a 1.4 loss. And then I would have been pleasantly surprised.

But no, I had to go get all optimistic and stuff. Thus only being disappointed and discouraged.

Negativity is the way to go, people.

You can just call me Negative Nancy from now on.

Cause disappointment sucks.

PS. I'm so negative right now I don't even care that this is my 100th post.

Friend Makin' Mondays

Totally not feeling the motivation today, so I decided to join Friend Makin' Mondays again. Hosted by Kenz, of course. If you don't know what to do, just copy and paste the following in to your blog and change your answers to your own, then link up over at All the Weigh!

Answer each question using only one word...

1. Where is your cell phone? downstairs

2. Your most significant other? Husband

3. Your hair? Brown

4. Your mother? awesome

5. Your father? Um...

6. Your favorite? giggles

7. Your dream last night? twins (YIKES!)

8. Your favorite drink? diet coke (I know it's two words, not my fault)

9. Your dream/goal? healthy

10. What room you are in? office

11. Your hobby? kids

12. Your fear? failing

13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? here

14. Where were you last night? sleeping

15. Something that you aren't? edited

16. Muffins? absolutely

17. Wish list item? clothes

18. Where you grew up? California

19. Last thing you did? naps

20. What are you wearing? pajamas

21. Your TV? off

22. Your pets? gone

23. Friends? some

24. Your life? overwhelming

25. Your mood? discouraged

26. Missing someone? Husband

27. One place that I go to over and over? preschool

28. Something you want: time

29. Your favorite store? Target

30. Your favorite color? blue

Kin-Wha?

I get it. I'm late to the party. That's nothing new.


But Husband and I tried quinoa for the first time this week, and I might be a convert.


Husband cooked it in some vegetable broth (I know that some of you are checking out already because I just said my husband cooks. I get, I'm lucky. Stay with me.) and then we had some sauteed onion, bell pepper and zucchini over the top with a little bit of vinaigrette dressing. And YUM!! (next time I'm going to try some eggplant too, I love me some eggplant) 


This is totally something that I will incorporate in to our diets on a far more regular basis. It supposedly is crazy good nutritionally for you, and it is a way better choice than rice.


And I even found a recipe for some kind of breakfast quinoa thing. You know, in place of oatmeal. We'll have to see about that, but I'm excited to find something so healthy that my family enjoys!


Have you found any new foods lately that you're excited about?

Things I've Learned

I'm no expert, obviously. Just a girl trying to shed some pounds and live a healthier lifestyle. But I have learned some things along the way that you might already know, and if you do, thanks for listening anyway. You're making me feel smart.


1. Running the same route every day doesn't do me any favors. I run the same route every day, with few exceptions, with the same music, at the same time, in the same clothes (just kidding). And I noticed today when I was asked to run somewhere else, that I don't like it. I don't like not knowing where I will go, how long it will take, how many hills there are. I was even kind of whiney about about the whole thing (imagine me, whining). I didn't have my music, and I was running with other people around me, so I kind of felt threatened by pace. Note to self... change up the running thing. Run new places, maybe find a running buddy. Change it up.


2. You can not freeze a banana in its peel. Well, you can, but then you can't get the peel off. And don't even try to defrost it, because it gets super mushy and liquidy and makes a big gross mess all over the place. Not like I tried it or anything.


3. I am a carnivore. I like meat. Lots of it. I have been trying a mostly vegan diet the last couple of days to break past this crazy long plateau (that I'm encountering because I can't stop shoving food down my throat), and I miss meat. It's crazy that I'm actually craving the stuff. And I totally thought that I wouldn't be getting my protein in, but oddly enough I am! Sparkpeople breaks down the nutrients that you are getting in your food and runs a little report at the end of the day. Here is mine for the other day when I religiously tracked my food intake, including all nutrition information, not just calories. 

I got enough of everything, was just 3 grams short on protein. I think that's pretty good without any kind of animal protein or dairy! But no, I am not going vegan. I can't wait for my next cheeseburger (see above shoveling food in my face).

What things have you learned on your journey?

Like Lightning

I know, I'm the turtle. I get it.


I'm totally slow. And that used to be okay with me.


But I've been finding myself longing to be faster.


Comparing myself to other runners.


I don't put in as much work as I should. I know.


But I really want to be able to say that I actually run. Instead of "well, kind of."


So Sunday, I ran 2.5 miles at about an 11 minute mile pace. Okay. Well, awesome for me. Not exactly sprinting. But way faster than I used to be.


And then I remembered. My Nike+ logs your fastest times. What does mine say?

Sub 11 minute mile? I'll take it, even if Nike+ isn't always right. And I haven't run a 5K as of late, so that time is from a while ago. And my Nike+ malfunctioned during my 10K, so no time is even recorded. Like I said, it doesn't always work right.


Maybe one day I'll be able to run a 10 minute mile. Like when I've lost another 20 or so pounds. We'll see!!!

Monday Motivation

Blog Award

 
So I was given another blog award from Fat, Angry Blog.  Thank you! And by the way, her post today is super honest and a little bit personal, so send her some love, would you?


Anyway, I guess that I am supposed to say seven things about myself and then award some 15 more people with the award. I'm feeling selfish today, so I'll just talk about myself. Kay? Thanks.


1. I Hate soup. Yes it is capitalized. I do not enjoy eating soup. It drips off of my spoon and burns my tongue, and I don't understand why anybody enjoys the stuff. There are few exceptions to this rule. And don't even try to sell me on your soup unless its creamy. The brothy kinds are gross.


2. I have been known to shower multiple times in one day for no reason. I love me a good shower with hot, hot water. I do not enjoy taking baths. They are boring.


3. I am not patient enough with my kids and my expectations of them are way too high. These two qualities lead to my already low self esteem, and often send me in to periods of self-loathing.


4. I do not wear heels. I prefer flats, or even better, flip flops. I can not wait until the weather warms up so that I can pull out my crusty old flip flops once again. But first, a pedicure.


5. I want more kids. No secret here. Lately, however, I've been having dreams and strange encounters that suggest twins. And that is not okay with me. So I am praying that it is all in my head, and that one more baby will join our family soon.


6. (see #5) I am torn between having another baby now, and waiting until I shed a few more pounds. My others are pretty evenly spaced, and I would hate to have an odd man (or girl) out, considering I was the outcast for pretty much all of my life.


7. I kind of have a thing for Air Supply. That's okay, you can make fun all you want. I know that it's ridiculous. But turn on the tunes and I could get lost for hours.




Am I horrible for not passing the award on to other bloggers? Probably so.
But here's some fun stuff I've been reading lately...




Adrienne and her crazy 2011 race schedule.


Keelie is always awesome. I am kind of intrigued by her First Place 4 Health program, but am totally too chicken to give it a try.


Inspiring Katie has something up her sleeve. Join in the pink swap!!


And Kenz always has something fun to say, even if it's just hello!


I have about 700 or so blog posts in my reader, so if I didn't mention you it's probably because I haven't been keeping up on blog-reading. I'll get there soon!


Have a fantastic weekend! Let's hope for better results on the scale this week, or it's possible that I will self destruct.

The Right Tools

We all know that I've been frustrated lately. And of course I realize that it is my fault and that I'm doing it, and I'm in control.


But I was wondering if maybe switching up the tools I use might give me a little plateau buster.


So I signed up for Sparkpeople. I've been thinking about counting calories for a while now, and this seems like a pretty user friendly tool for doing so. Plus, I can enter my actual calories burned, which is helpful since my HRM does that for me.  I'm still doing Weight Watchers and the PointsPlus system for now, but if this works out, I might just have to switch over. We'll see.


I also signed up for another boot camp. This one is indoors with spring loaded floors ( my knees will thank them ), and even offers childcare, which is pretty much unheard of in boot camp land. The best part is that friends of mine signed up too, so we can all get healthy together! Yay!

Defeated

Defeated. Discouraged. Disappointed.


I'm totally trying to not let these words be my mantra for 2011. But so far? No such luck.


I barely broke the 200lb mark before Christmas. It was a big celebration with a new playlist and everything.


And then I gained back 4 pounds in 5 days over Christmas break. And it WILL NOT GO AWAY. I thought maybe I was just bloated. I thought maybe if I took it easy on the crap for a couple of days and went back to eating on plan and drinking my water that it would just GO AWAY. Yeah. No such luck.


I just had a super week. I tracked every day. I had a totally under-indulgent weekend (which is totally not the norm for me) and I exercised. I even cut out sugar and "ate clean". You want to know how much I lost? 0.8. Not even one stinking pound.


I know that I just need to stick to it and keep it up, and blah, blah, blah... But seriously, what the heck is going on?????

Monday Motivation

Blurry Lines

I usually avoid mirrors. Mostly, because I don't enjoy looking at myself in them. But also, because if you stare at them long enough, the person staring back just doesn't look the same anymore.


I'm in a weird place right now. I want to think that I know who I am, but I'm not recognizing the person living in my skin (of which there is far too much, by the way).


She craves going for a run, she sews (or at least tries to), she thinks she's all crafty, and she has been able to turn down sugar for four days now.


Totally not me. At least not the me that I used to know. 


And yet I often see glimpses of the me that I am so familiar with. The one that doesn't like to commit to anything (or at least let anybody know about it), for fear of failure. The one that would rather lay in bed for another 15 minutes instead of squeezing in a run. The one that can't wait until Saturday, when she can have a cupcake for her daughters birthday.


I can't tell where one person ends and the other begins. And I don't know how to live in a world where they coexist.

I can't decide

I decided that I need to start reading books that were aimed for someone over the age of 4. Not that those aren't super fun and exciting, but I really should be feeding myself something other than "Go, Dog, Go".


So I kind of have a list started of books that have peaked my interest, and would love some opinions...

Women Food and God. I've heard good, I've heard bad, but I'm intrigued. Anybody weigh in?

Made to Crave. Kind of a newcomer to the market, but I heard about it over at Proverbs 31 Ministries, which has never disappointed yet. God has always met me right where I am through their daily devotional.

Fit for My King. Sheri Rose Shepherd is an amazing speaker who has struggled with her weight in her own ways. She is speaking next weekend at my church, so I think I might wait until after her lecture to see if the book would be a good fit.

Sole Sisters. I loved Run Like a Mother, the last book that I read about running, so I thought this might be a good follow up?


Anybody have any other suggestions? 
As you can see, I'm kind of leaning towards weight loss/running/fitness type of books.

It's A New Day

It's a new year. And a new day. And a new start.


And I know that now is the time that I am supposed to list all of my New Years Resolutions. To set all of the goals that I have for myself for the upcoming year.


But to be honest, I don't really have any resolutions. I don't intend to make promises that I can't keep. 


All that I can say is that I don't want to go back to where I was. I intend on continuing to make good choices, exercise, and stay on the path to living  a healthier life.


If I was brave, I would say that I will reach my goal weight in 2011. But I don't think that I should set a time limit on that.


If I was adventurous, I would say that I would sign up for at least 6 races this year. But who knows what this year may bring?


So I'm going to resolve to not go back. To keep trying. To keep choosing. And to keep resolving. 
Just for one day at a time.

Monday Motivation