Self Control

My daughter came home from preschool telling me all about self control.

How Adam and Eve didn't use it in the Garden of Eden ( and because of that, they had to put their clothes on ).


How the little boy in her class didn't use self control when he pushed her out of the way to get farther ahead in the line ( but he said sorry and she "forgived" him ).


And then we got home from lunch and I noticed these on the counter.

Yes, they are THE brownies, in full flavor. ( I may or may not have had two on Sunday night. )


But since then, they have been sitting in my kitchen. ( And yes, I was displaced from my kitchen for 24 hours of that, but still... ) 


They are taunting me. Tempting me. Calling my name.


And I have exercised self control.


If I have done nothing else right this week, at least there's that.


I'll take any victory I can right now.

Wasted

We are home.


In an air conditioned home.


In our own beds.


Unfortunately, we had some casualties. We could not fit all of our food in to our in-laws refrigerator and freezer, so we had to leave some stuff behind.


Perfect time to clean out the fridge, which, lets face it, should have been done a long time ago. ( Did I use too many commas there? )

So here is most of the food that was wasted during our 36+ hour power outage.


I know that some of it might have been able to be salvaged, like maybe the peas? But because I was unsure about rules regarding thawing out and refreezing, I decided that we would be better off spending 59 cents on a new bag of peas.


And the pancakes are for my kids. I don't eat them.


I wish that this box was going to the Lose for Good campaign, but sadly it is joining the dirty diapers that are stinking up my trash can.


And I know that this it totally unrelated and random,  but look how cute he is.

Night Night!!

Not Cool

In more ways than one.


First of all, It was 107 degrees at my house yesterday. Must I remind you that it is the end of September? I'm trying not to complain, because we've had a really mild summer this year, but seriously?


The second thing is, our power went out at 7pm last night and has yet to be restored. That is correct. 18 hours without power. Again, trying not to complain because I know that like, a bazillion people all over the world live without electricity on a daily basis.

But one of the things I'm really good at is complaining.

And really... Three kids under the age of four, in a house without fans, or air conditioning, or a working refrigerator, or a freezer, or a microwave, or a toaster, or playhouse disney so that I can have some peace and get a shower... you get the idea.


Not to mention that I had JUST been grocery shopping.


So I am super grateful for in-laws that live within 2 miles of our house that are willing to store our newly bought food and let us soak up their air conditioning while they are at work.


Am I using this as an excuse to not work out this week? Of course.


And we may or may not be attending the all you can eat buffet at Round Table Pizza again tonight.



P.S. Normal, blogger commenting has returned. Thanks for the input. Comment away.

Monday Motivation

And by the way, new comment system. Yay? or Nay?

Thanks.

Let's Get Real

So I had kind of an epiphany the other day.


Somebody made a comment on my blog that made me think.


And I realized that here I am, trying to be honest, and open, and real, and hold myself accountable while trying to get healthy, and I'm not.


Because I don't use my name.


And I don't post my weight.


And you don't know what I look like.


So I'm sorry.


I'm sorry that I am still trying to hide behind sarcastic words. It's my defense mechanism. Because if you don't like what I say, it's easy for me to say "Just Kidding" or "I didn't really mean that". When I probably did.


And I'm sorry that I can't show you what I really look like. But sadly, there are no pictures of what I really look like. I am always hiding behind sunglasses, or a kid, or a tree, or somebody else.


So this is me.

Kendra.


I started my journey this time about 5 weeks after the birth of baby #3 ( who is perfect by the way ) at 5ft 4in and 226lbs. Unfortunately, this is not my highest adult weight, but the starting point this time.


I have lost 22 pounds in 20 weeks. And have been at a plateau now for 6 weeks because I can not get my eating under control.


I binge on the weekends, and follow the plan during the week.


I'm finding it hard to find the motivation and the willpower to stick with it.


I am only 4 pounds away from having a one at the beginning of my weight. I haven't had that since before baby #1 ( who is not a baby anymore, but is still, also perfect ).


I am still the turtle. Losing weight very slowly, but I will win this race. 


Eventually.

Mmmm... Brownies

Growing up, our go-to family dessert was always chocolate cherry brownies. They made their appearance at almost every birthday and pretty much every special event. 


They were our celebration.

The recipe was something my mom found, I think on the side of a Devil's Food cake box, a long, long time ago.


Imagine my surprise when I found a lightened up version here.


I'm intrigued.


I'm just so worried that the lighter version will disappoint.


And then, will they even be worth it?


Should I try them Weight Watchers style? Or stick with the original?


It's not like I eat them every day or anything. Although I might, if they were around.




and p.s. you might be thinking, "ewwww, gross. cherries in brownies." but, um, don't knock it until you've tried it.


and FYI... I totally converted Husband, who is the king of "ewwww, gross".

Run Like A Mother

In trying to find inspiring and informational books about running, I chose one called "Run Like a Mother".


I read it cover to cover faster than I've read any book as of late.


And I was both inspired and encouraged.


It is written by two women who are both runners and mothers, and touches on so many of the challenges that we face on a daily basis.


I loved how they infuse their sense of humor, and I felt like we were just having a conversation about running, however one sided it may have been.


The book also includes training tips, which were kind of an added bonus, as I wasn't really expecting to find any of those.


The only drawback that I found was that they are like, MARATHON runners. And I am not. I run close to three miles, three times a week, so I felt a little bit unworthy. But that is my issue, not theirs.


My current project?


"New Rules of Lifting for Women". But this one is taking way longer to read.


What's on your nightstand?

Shopping

We went shopping for a birthday gift this weekend. We sadly, did not find what we were looking for, but I did do some window shopping.

And this time I'm talking about more than shoes and purses.

I decided that when I can fit in to a size 10 dress, I will buy this.

Or this.

Or this.

And no. We are not rich. I dream big.

So until then,  I'll go back to Target and Old Navy. 

Anthropologie will wait.

Friend Makin' Mondays

Kenz is hosting again!! Join in the fun...

Health and Body Image

1) If you could magically change one thing about your body, what would it be? 

My skin. I have yucky skin. I already have wrinkles and stretch marks (non pregnancy related, boo), and my arms have these funky red bumps on them. yuck.

2) What is your best physical feature?

 I would have to say my eyes. They're blue, with a little bit of green sometimes. And I got really blessed with long eyelashes. And whether I'm big or small, my eyes are always the same.

3) Do you weigh yourself daily? Hourly? Weekly? Bi-weekly? Never? 

I weigh in weekly. Because I am prone to throw tantrums if things don't go my way, I usually leave the torture to once a week.


4) Do you workout regularly? If so, how does if affect you from day to day? 

I run (slowly) three times a week, and I swim at least once a week. Next comes weight training. I have to get my butt in gear!


5) What is the healthiest thing you do for yourself on a regular basis? 

Sleep. I love sleep. I would sleep all day long if I could. But three small children are dependent on me all day. So for now, the sleep comes at night. And yes, my kids sleep through the night. Don't hate.

6) If you could look like a celebrity, who would you choose to look like? 

Drew Barrymore. Cause she's my husbands one "gimme".


7) What do you do to make yourself feel pretty/handsome?

It's amazing how much better I feel about myself on the days that I actually blow dry my hair. I know. What a concept.


8) What are you most attracted to in the opposite sex? 

Tall, dark, and handsome. With blue eyes of course.

9) Have you ever avoided situations because you didn't want people to see your body shape? 

Um. Always. I'm really good at avoiding most situations. It's one of my strengths. And I hate it. I wish I could walk in to any room or any situation and feel comfortable, but I don't.

10) How do you feel about your overall appearance? 

Um, embarrassed? Disappointed? I'm tired of being that girl that has "a pretty face". I want to be pretty inside and out. Face and all.

Monday Motivation

ugh

pla·teau  (pl-t) n. pl. pla·teaus or pla·teaux (-tz) 1. An elevated, comparatively level expanse of land; a tableland. 2. A relatively stable level, period, or state: Mortgage rates declined, then reached a plateau. intr.v. pla·teaued, pla·teau·ing, pla·teaus To reach a stable level; level off: "The tension seemed to grow by degrees, then it plateaued" (Tom Clancy). [French, from Old French platel, platter, from plat, flat; see plate.]

The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition copyright ©2000 by Houghton Mifflin Company. Updated in 2009. Published by Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.

Does one pound over 6 weeks count as a plateau?

I think it does.

And it's not cool.

Most weeks there was a reason that I didn't lose, or a reason that I maintained, or even gained. This week? No reason.

I tracked. I ran. I gave up Diet Coke. 

Yes, you read that right. I gave up Diet Coke. For three straight weeks. None. It was bordering on torture.

And then weigh in came. I thought for sure I would be down at least a pound.

I stepped on the scale. She smiled at me. She handed me back my pocket guide. And told me to have a good day.

So I looked. And I gained a pound. Excuse me? A whole pound? When I was good? When I did what the plan asks of me? 

ugh.

I am frustrated.

And disappointed.

And kind of defeated.

So I drank a Diet Coke or two this weekend. Because apparently the fast did nothing.

So there.

It has begun

Husband stopped on his way home from work to pick up a couple of things for dinner.


Somehow, we had an added surprise in the bag when he got home.

And so it begins. 


The candy. The treats. The comfort food. The smells of cinnamon and apples, and all of those yummy baking smells.


This is the time of year that I wish they sold willpower in a bottle. I would buy it by the case.

Beautiful

I am having a hard day.


As a Mom.


As a Wife.


As a Weight Watcher.


I read this little bit of inspiration earlier today, and felt better.

Because at least to someone I am beautiful. When I am not the perfect mother, or the perfect wife, or the perfect Weight Watcher. There is Someone who thinks that I am beautiful, just the way that I was created.


I receive Proverbs 31 devotional daily. It always meets me right where I am. Funny how God does that.

Nothing to Wear

I have nothing to wear. 
On a daily basis. 
Or at least I don't think I have anything to wear.

Because I'm at that point where I'm so proud of how far I've come that I want to start looking nicer in my clothes, but don't want to spend the money on buying nice clothes because I still have so much more to lose.

You with me?  
Here is my closet.

I know, it's kind of ridiculous. 
And good thing I just cleaned it out about a week ago, or else there would be no picture today.


But daily, I stand in the doorway to my closet, looking for something that isn't there. Looking for clothes that fit. That don't me look quite so large. That are cute, and trendy, and don't make me look like a housewife.


And they are not there. Because I am still large, and I am still a housewife. 

Friend Makin' Mondays

Kenzie is hosting Friend Makin Monday, so I thought I would change it up a little bit and join the fun. That's right, two posts in one day. How does one do it? Anyway...

Five Little Questions... Answered

1. What was the most enjoyable part of your weekend?

Easy. Meeting Mallory's preschool teacher and watching her light up when she got to explore her new room. The innocence of children gets me every time.

2. List two or three material possessions that you can't live without.

The first is definitely my computer. I feel disconnected from the outside world without it.  The second would have to be chapstick. Sounds crazy, I know, but I love me some chapstick. It pretty much lives in my pocket 24/7.

3. Which day are you looking forward to most in the coming week?

Saturday is always my favorite day. I weigh in early in the morning and then have the whole day to spend with my family. Husband is home from work, we usually have no plans, and I get to soak up my amazing family as much as I want. But this week Thursday is a close runner up, since Mallory will be starting preschool that day. Oh, to only have two littles for a couple of hours...

4. Share one of your most embarrassing stories...

About 2 years ago, Husband and I got a little getaway weekend to Whistler, where the plan was to go skiing. He LOVES to ski, and we don't get to do it very often, since Southern California is not actually known for its winter resort type weather. Anyway, after we arrived, we went down to get all of our ski gear that we would be renting for the time that we were there. We tried on ski boots, and they did.not.fit. As in, could not get them around my calves without cutting off the circulation to my feet, did not fit. The people at the rental place did what they could, and adjusted them as far out as they could go without my feet falling out of the boots, but still. I tried to make a joke out of it, because that's how I do it, but the damage had been done. The boots were much too tight the whole trip, resulting in less skiing than I would have liked. 

Husband still had a great time, but next time, there will be more skiing, and boots that fit.

5. Share three of your "must-read" blogs and tell us why we should read them too!

Julie, at Joy's Hope is an inspiration. Not only is she hysterical, but she is real, and honest, and pretty much awesome. She is super crafty and sports amazing tutorials. I would like to be her when I grow up.

Jeanett, from life.rearranged will turn your world upside down. She has an amazingly generous heart and her story will challenge you to give what you can. And her kids are super cute, too. 

Keelie, at real fat is so honest and open about her journey. She truly is an inspiration.

Monday Motivation

My Weekend... In Numbers

Zero.

The amount of pounds I lost this week. (I'm not surprised, I was pretty much a pig all week.) 
Also the amount of pounds I gained. (Yay!! Guess all of those activity points made up for something.)
And the number of Diet Coke's that I have consumed in um, thirteen days. But nobody is counting.


Four.


The number of points that I actually, physically wrote down on paper to track all my food this weekend. So much for that goal for the week.


Two Hundred Eleven.


My maximum heart rate during my workout this morning. Um, Yikes. No wonder why I can't breathe.


Five Hundred Eighty Three.


See how many calories you can burn when your heart rate is around two hundred? Impressive, I know. In only 32 minutes.


Ten Thousand.


The amount of times I had to tell a child "No" this weekend. That was fun.

Dinner tonight

We had a kind of no cook dinner tonight. 
This is one of our favorites! Super easy and super tasty.
We add a little bit of Fat Free Black Bean Dip from Trader Joe's. It has a spice to it that adds nicely to the flavor. And we don't use avocado, because we don't like it. So the point value is probably a little bit different for what we eat, but regardless, YUM!

Bean Tostadas with Corn Salsa and Avocado


4 small (6 inch) corn tortillas
1 (15.5 oz) can black beans, rinsed and drained
1 cup fresh salsa
1 ( 8oz) can low-sodium corn kernels, drained
3/4 cup shredded reduced-fat sharp cheddar cheese
1 cup shredded romaine lettuce
1/2 avocado, diced
1/2 cup fat free sour cream
2 scallions, thinly sliced
2 tablespoons chopped cilantro


1. Arrange the tortillas in a single layer on a baking sheet and bake until crisp in 450F oven. About 5-7 minutes.
2. In a small saucepan, mix the beans and 1/2 cup of the salsa; cook, stirring as needed and mashing the beans (we don't mash ours), until heated through, about 5 minutes. In a small bowl, mis the remaining 1/2 cup of salsa and the corn.
3. Place the tortilla on plate, then assemble tostada as desired. ( I didn't follow the directions here, because I like my sour cream on the bottom on top of the bean dip.) Put it together however you want. You get to be the boss tonight.


4 servings. Per serving: 326 cal, 6g fat, 3 g sat fat, 12 mg Chol, 566 mg Sod, 50g Carb, 11g Fib, 20g Pro, 373 mg Calc. POINTS: 5


From Weight Watchers "Cook it Quick" (2002)

Pity Party

So I'm totally having a pity party today. I don't really know why... but I am.


So I thought it was the perfect day to talk about my first ever blog award.


Kimberlynn was kind enough to think of me and give me this award!! Thank you!!

YAY!! So I guess that I'm supposed to say 10 things that I like.




1.) Baby feet
2.) The sound of my kids laughing
3.) Chocolate Chip Cookies
4.) Time alone with Husband
5.) People that are genuine and kind
6.) Honesty
7.) Feeling loved
8.) Morning Runs
9.) Sewing (who knew?)
10.) Diet Coke


Thanks again, Kimberlynn!

Kidding Myself

I must be kidding myself.


Four days of tracking and exercising and doing all of the right things do not make up for a weekend worth of gluttony.

And that is what I feel like I've been doing. Watching carefully during the week, and running rampant on the weekends.

I do not deserve the one pound weight loss that I achieved this past week. It should have been a gain, or at the very least maintenance.


So today I will start following the Weight Watchers program as it is designed. To track EVERY day. Every bite, lick, taste, and splurge.

Because I really want to do this the right way, not just the way that works.


And eyes are watching. Little eyes. Two and Three year old eyes. 


And if I don't do it the right way, then I won't get to hear "Mommy, when I get big like you, I'm going to run all of the time too."


And then she will no longer inspire me. And right now, they are my inspiration. 


These guys.

Monday Motivation

Weekend Stuff

I'm back. After a little "staycay" with the fam, including Disneyland, the San Diego Zoo, a kid with the stomach flu, and some good old quality time, it is back to reality.


The good news is that yesterday, at my weigh in, I got this!!

My 10% keychain.
That's right. That one stinking pound is now gone, and I hit my 10%!!!


Husband ordered me my first big reward today, and I can hardly wait until its here!!
I'll have to give you all the scoop after I try it out.


We then celebrated my victory just as every weight watcher should. With pizza and alcohol. I'm not a big drinker,  I could actually care less, but when husband found this...

I had to give it a try. And it was pretty darn tasty. At only 2 points a bottle, it was totally worth it.
And since I gave up Diet Coke (I know!), I figured I could use a little bit of flavor with my pizza.


Hope your weekend was as great as mine!!

The Zoo

We went to the zoo today. I decided that it is good for a couple of things. 


1.) Making children very happy. Maybe not all children, but definitely this guy.

2.) Hill workouts. Maybe not all zoos, but the San Diego Zoo? Yes, thank you. Did I mention I was pushing a stroller? Right. So I was also pushing either 80 pounds or 30 pounds of weight up the hill, depending on which stroller I pushed. (Yes. We had two strollers. Three children do not fit in one double stroller. FYI)


3.) Scaring me in to not stepping on a scale. Because do I really want to be compared to a polar bear? No thanks. Did I step on the scale? Um, no.

Because I was totally expecting the scale to go all the way to where the black arrow is. I know the picture is small, but that says "Adult Female 660 pounds". I'm probably totally exaggerating, but how mortifying would that have been?


and ps.. my husband stepped on and said that it added about 100 lbs. I think that I might have had a nervous breakdown, had it been me.

Coming and Going

I went for a run this morning.

I got to see the world coming. People were getting in to their cars to start their day with a fresh cup of coffee, having just said goodbye to their loved ones. 
I got to witness the beginning of the day. When there hasn't yet been time to be jaded by the events of the hours to come.
I got to come home with a sense of accomplishment. That if nothing else happens today, I made a good choice this morning.


I normally run at night.
I watch the world going. People are rushing to get home to their families.
I watch the sun go down. When people are tired, and weary, and ready to relax after a long day.
I come home with a sense of accomplishment. That despite everything that has happened that day, I made a good choice.