Slacker

I am a slacker.
Total slacker.
On most days you can find me getting out of bed at the very last minute to hurry my kids off to preschool, only to come home and do... nothing. Or to stroll the malls looking at all of the things that I wish I could have.
I have a list a million miles long that needs to get done.
But I have zero focus, and even less motivation.
My husband has been wonderful, and picks up the slack where I've been lacking. (Which is, um, everywhere)
But needless to say, I eat what I want, and have often turned to baking as a coping mechanism.
Baking things with a pound of butter.
I'd like to say that I'm trying to focus my life on something outside of myself right now.
But I can't.
Thus starting the downward spiral of decreasing motivation and lack of coping skills that currently define my life.
I can only pray that it will all be over in about 6 weeks, when baby number four finally decides to show up.
And then I'm back on the bandwagon.
But with bigger and better things planned.

Me. At a Water Park.

We have a water park by our house that has been around since I was a teenager.
I used to avoid it in high school because it meant that I had to walk around in a bathing suit with all of my less chubby friends.
I'd gone a couple of times, but not quite as much as my Husband.
He had a season pass almost every year, so he has great childhood memories of summer days at the park.
I kind of just assumed that our kids would grow up spending their days there as well.
Until the word came that it was closing due to an endlessly increasing land lease.
So we scored some passes (for free) for one last trip to the water park.
We took the big kids (who are 3 and 4), and left littlest man at home.
And I spent the whole day in my bathing suit.
As in walking around, uncovered, in my bathing suit.

And I was a little bit uncomfortable.
But for the most part, proud of myself for who I am now.
Because although I know that it was not a pretty sight, I didn't really care as much.
I was there to let my kids make a memory.
And that meant way more to me than worrying about how I looked at the water park.

Where am I?

I haven't been writing because I haven't had much exciting stuff going on around here.
I am exhausted, all the time.


I am eating poorly.
I am being lazy not working out, at all.
And I'm pretty much always in a foul mood.
Probably because of the above.


Kid #2 is potty training.
And while days 1-5 went well, day 8? Not so much. 12pm.
Fourth pair of chonies.
Switching to diapers to maintain my sanity, and an uninjured child.
Because the whole exhaustion thing?
Leaves mommy grumpy, and impatient.


And the truly sucky thing?
I totally know that my attitude sucks, and that I could make a choice to deal with things better right now.
And yet every single day I make a different choice.


I totally know that eating better, and working out, and even choosing to be happy would change my life right now.
But I'm not doing it.
So that's where I am.


How are you doing?

Monday Motivation

Today's post brings a different kind of motivation, not in the form of a quote that resonates for some, but in words that I would hope bring truth to all.
That I think all of us can relate to.
That struck a chord with me.

This post was awesome. Go read it, and be proud of who you are and where you are right now.
Because we are all different. And we are all beautiful.
18 weeks pregnant and 5 pounds heavier and everything.

You're Beautiful

Just a little reminder that you're beautiful.
In the words of Mercy Me.

Gone are the Days

Gone are the days of being too nauseated to eat anything.
Which is good.
But also very, very, bad.
You see, now I have a paranoia about gaining too much weight and having to lose it all (plus the 50 pounds I didn't lose to begin with).
And this?

Although completely delicious and worth every bite (and maybe even the ranch that it got dipped in), totally not helping the situation.

Lucky for me, I've found an alternative for Diet Coke.
Not a replacement, as you better believe I haven't given up the evil.
But a suitable alternative, at least.

A little bit of this, maybe even add a little bit of lemonade...
And I forget about my beloved Diet Coke for a glass.
Or two.

Monday Motivation

Skinny Taste

Have you heard of Skinny Taste?
Super yummy, healthy recipes. 
Tons of options.
Nutritional information provided. (Even Weight Watchers Points Plus, if that's your thing)
We're having Crock Pot Santa Fe Chicken for dinner. Wrapped in corn tortillas (because my kids will eat anything if you tell them its a taco).
Despite my aversion to all things chicken while pregnant.
It's that good.


What are you having for dinner?

Monday Motivation

Bikini Ready?

Me? No way.
I have never been bikini ready.

Even at my lightest weight, when I felt the most beautiful (which was my honeymoon, by the way) I never felt bikini ready.
And now? I laugh. Out loud. At the thought of me going to the pool this summer with my littles.


Four kids in 5 years, an eating problem and some major junk in the trunk.
Totally not swimsuit material.


And then I came across Project Real.


And I was inspired.
And maybe a little envious.
That these women could be so comfortable in their suits that it would be nationally publicized.
That they put themselves out there for the world to see.


And when I see them?
I see strong, confident, beautiful women.
Not curvy girls in swimsuits.


So why is my own reflection so much different?

I love...

I love that these little piggies are patient enough to accompany me on a 2.5 mile walk.

I love that Husband did some grocery shopping this weekend and loaded me up with these.

I love that the kids think that these are dessert. (And I'm totally not against bribing)

I love that when I'm pregnant I'm allowed to buy dill pickles.

And I love that its just about summer time, which means flip flops, salads, and sleeping in.

What do you love?

Okay.

So here's the situation.

I finished the Joggermom marathon.
I've managed to lose 3 pounds.

And... I'm almost 11 weeks pregnant.

With all of my other pregnancies, by this point, I've stopped exercising and gained somewhere between 5 and 10 pounds.
Most of the time, by this point, I have to think about pulling out the maternity clothes because "I'm just showing so much sooner" (which really is code for 'I can't stop shoving food in my mouth and I'm bloated and fat').

I didn't lose the weight because of the exercise.
That happened because I'm so stinking nauseated that I don't want to eat. At all.
But that hasn't stopped me from indulging in some of my favorite things.

This showed up on my doorstep yesterday from Julie over at Joy's Hope.

The cupcake? Yum.
The friendship bread? Heavenly.
And I even got my own starter.
But none of this means I'm going to go to back to where I started.

Yes, I will gain weight.
But I will also continue to exercise, even if it's only a daily walk.
I will make good food choices.
I will continue to set a good example for my kids.
And come January, you better believe I'll be starting to train for a half marathon.

Four kids and all. YIKES!

Scarce

Posting will be scarce.
Life is crazy.
Three little littles.
Horizontal Husband.
But come back soon for a big announcement.

Totally Worth It

So I went out for another walk/run today to add another 3.7 miles to the total for my Joggermom Marathon. (Bringing the current total to 15.5 miles.) And had a conversation with my 2 year old that made all of this worth it.


Donovan : Mommy, why are we going for a walk?
Mommy : Because mommy needs to exercise.
Donovan: Mommy, can I exercise too?
Mommy: Sure Donovan, that's a great idea.
Donovan: Kay mommy, me exercise like you.


I know that it doesn't seem like a big deal. But to me, it totally is.
Because one of my biggest motivations for getting healthy and losing the weight is to set a good example for my kids.
So that they don't grow up fighting the sedentary lifestyle that I grew up with.
So that hopefully, they don't have to struggle with their weight, like I always have.
So the fact that my 2 year old wants to exercise, regardless of the reason, makes all of this totally worth it.


My heart is so full.

What makes you awesome? Friend Makin' Mondays

For those of you that are new here, occasionally I partake in Friend Makin Monday, hosted by Kenz at All the Weigh.


So this week we're supposed to say 5 things that are awesome about ourselves. How hard is that? 
I spend most of my days pointing out all of my bad qualities, so thinking of 5 good ones is going to be HARD!!
But totally worth it.


1.) I'm generous. A lot of times to a very uncomfortable fault, but nonetheless, I love to give. Gifts. Time. Whatever.


2.) I can make people laugh. You may not notice, but I have a seriously dry sense of humor. And occasionally I can get a chuckle or two from friends.


3.) I'm loyal. Make me your friend and you won't regret it. I will do anything for my friends. And these days true friends are few and far between.


4.) I'm responsible. That means that you can totally count on me. To show up to work on time, to get the job done, to do the right thing.


5.) I'm honest. Again, sometimes to a fault. The things that I say aren't always what you want to hear, but I mean them. All of them. And sometimes that means that people don't like my very much, but I'm okay with that.

Fail

I spent much of last night and blog time today trying to beautify my blog. To no avail. Sorry peeps, you're stuck with same old boring stuff for now!
I'll figure it out at some point.
Until then, enjoy the green.

Monday Motivation

Who am I?

I am a child of God.
I am a wife.
I am a mother.
I am a daughter. A sister. A friend.
I am a nurse.


I am also the fat girl. The fat mom.
The mom that yells at her kids. That scolds them for doing things that all kids do.
The mom that wishes she wasn't that mom. That dreams of children running through rainbows with happy laughter and sweet smiles. 
The mom that dreams of pigtails tied with ribbons, and little boys dressed in pinstripes. Adorned with perfect, obedient smiles.


I am not the mom that has perfectly behaved children, who still manages to get dinner on the table and keep the hardwood floors clear of debris.


I am just me. An overweight woman trying to make things make sense everyday. Trying to set a good example for my children. And failing. Every day, with some mistake. Some poor choice.


I wish that I could say that I am a success story. But right now, I am not. My story is still being told. With chapters being put on hold as life gets in the way.


All I know is that I love my kids with all of my heart. I want more than anything to be a good mom. To be a good wife. To be a good daughter. To be a good person. And at some point, to be that success story.


The one that you guys are all rooting for. The one that you guys encourage. The one that I know is inside of me.


Happy Mother's Day!!

Lookie Here

Pretty cool, eh?
It's a wall hanging for all of my medals and stuff from races. (Cause, you know, I have so many)
Husband designed it for me.
Stay tuned to find out where you can get one too!

Wahoo's 5K

So, over the weekend, Husband and I ran a 5K.
Now I know that not every race can be great.
But this one? Not.good.at.all.

(here we are before the race.)

First of all, I woke up in the morning feeling like dirt. Either that, or what i would imagine one feels like after getting hit by a truck.
Totally gross.
But I sucked it up and got ready, and figured that if all else failed, at least I could walk some of the race.


We got to the race and got ready to go, and I just was not feeling it.
When we started, I tried to set up my Nike+ so that I had an idea of my pace, but because it was a brand new phone and I hadn't yet set up my sensor, it was picking up everybody's signal, so it wouldn't register.


I ended up running the first mile or so, and then walked for a little bit. I had a hard time finding my pace, and my breathing was kind of funky.
So I kind of ran/walked the rest of the race.


So disappointing.


I started Couch 2 5K about a year ago. You'd think by now I could run the whole thing.
But no. I did finish at least, and I did beat the time of my first official 5K (which was last July) but by no means did I PR. 
Which I was kind of hoping for in the back of my mind.
Way in the back.


I didn't do so well, but Husband? So proud...

Monday Motivation

A long way to go

The Joggermom marathon is in full swing. It is almost halfway through the month, which means that theoretically, I should be half way through the mileage.
Um, I'm not.
I did add to my total today with a walk/run (notice that I put walk first) while pushing both boys in the jogging stroller. But oh-my-gosh those boys are heavy! I'm guessing all together with children and stroller I was pushing about 80 pounds. Uphill. both ways. in the snow. barefoot.
Could I complain any more? (yes, probably. But I'll save you the drama.)
Anyway, I logged another 3.6 miles this morning to make my grand total... 8.7miles.
Totally not half way.
I guess I have some catching up to do!
Because today I got an email saying they added a new prize.
A Mountain Buggy stroller.



And while it won't work for me, because of the whole thing about me having more than one kid that still needs the stroller, I kind of want to win it anyway.
To sell so that I can buy an iMac bless someone else.

17.5 miles left!!

Consistency

I was just blog hopping again, because my mind is pretty much mush these days, and I made a comment on somebody's blog that made me think.
I am SO inconsistent.


I used to be pretty good about having the same workout schedule every week.
Even the 2 year old knew what to expect.
But lately I've had a really hard time being consistent with anything.


I haven't been squeezing in my Sunday afternoon runs.
I haven't been diligent about my Thursday night class at the gym.
I skipped they gym on Tuesday this week because I'm still traumatized by last weeks events.
My diet has been anything but consistent.
I haven't even tracked my mileage (if there was any) on dailymile like I had been doing.


I feel like I fell off the train and it is going by me so fast that I don't know how to jump back on!!!


I am so good at making excuses about why I am making bad choices.
And let's face it, that's all they are.
Bad choices.
I need to get better at making good choices and worse at making good excuses.

Can I get an amen?

Not much to say today, so I thought that I would blog hop a little before posting.
Always a bad idea.


But Keelie is running her first half marathon and posted about her anxiety.
I love what she said...

Why is it so hard to set a goal? I'll tell you why. Because every time you do, it creates the possibility for failure. No one wants to fail. Failure is hard. It's embarrassing. It's humbling. It's painful. It can be debilitating. And every time we set a goal we create the possibility for failure.


I also found this over at Kevin's blog.
I've been a fan of Pink's voice for a while now, but usually not her message.
This however?
Love. (minus the profanity of course)

Who's coming with me?

In my internet/blog searches as of late, I came across this really cool thing.
A marathon in a month. At my pace.
They don't have to be organized runs.
I could do a mile a day.
But, I have the chance to win some really cool stuff.
And?
I'll actually be doing something.
Which is more than I can say for myself as of late.
So, I'm totally signing up, and starting the whole thing off with a 5K with Husband.


Who's coming with me?

Monday Motivation

Yes.

source

This is what happens

I woke up this morning with absolutely no motivation to go to the gym.
Yes, this has been my norm, but it was magnified like 20 times today.
Mallory is home from school, and I didn't really want to pay the extra $3 to put her in the childcare, and it would have been super fun to have the time to just play with the kids. All of them. Plus,  she was really excited about being home with mommy today.


But I went to the gym anyway, because I've been feeling super guilty about my total lack of motivation lately.


I paid my $9, put the kids in the childcare, and went in to my BodyPump class.


Of course, about 20 minutes in, they came to get me to change a diaper. Of course.


So I grabbed my bag and went in to the bathroom in the KidZone to change said diaper.


I pulled down the changing table and threw my bag in the sink so that I wouldn't have to bend over while trying to hold tank baby on the table with one hand.
And then I heard the water running.
In the sink.
Where my bag was.
Which normally wouldn't be tragic, right?
Except that the only part of the bag that was filling with water?


The pocket that was holding my cell phone and iPod.
Of course.


I frantically tried to dry off my iPod and my cell phone while my baby lay naked on the changing table.


And then I decided that maybe I should put a diaper on him before he decided to make everything else wet too, if you catch my drift.


So I changed his diaper and continually tried to take my phone apart, because that's what I've heard you're supposed to do if it gets wet. 
Only it was wet. So it was slippery.


I finally got the phone taken apart, and broke the case off of the iPod so that it least it was as dry as possible.


And then I brought them home to this.

Which supposedly helps.


But if this is what happens when you try to boost your motivation and actually go to the gym? I'm out.

Grumpy

I am grumpy. 
Pretty much every day.
And I don't know why.
Or how to fix it.
I've been indulging far too often.
Skipping workouts because it just seems like too much effort.
Being mean to Husband.
Taking it out on kids.
Yuck.
Grumpy.

Abundance

I have an issue.
Well, lots of them actually, but one specific that I'm willing to admit and ask for help with.


I have an issue with too much food.
And I'm not just talking about eating too much of it.
I'm talking about ordering too much of it.
Supplying too much of it.
Baking too much of it.


We had Wesley's one year birthday party this past weekend. 
There were 58 people on the list to attend.
So we ordered 10 pizzas.
Costco pizzas.
Gigantic pizzas.
Huge miscalculation on our part.


And as far as cupcakes are concerned, well I couldn't stop at 48, because then, if everyone were to actually show up (which we know never happens) then there wouldn't be enough for everyone to have one.
So we baked 72.
And then people couldn't make it.
And some people don't eat cupcakes.


So I was left with 7 pizzas and about 40 cupcakes.
Too. Much. Food.


I am always worried when I have a party that there won't be enough food.
That I will run out of something.
That people will have to do with only one serving. GASP.


So I guess my question is, what do you do when you have a party? Do you oversupply? Or do you just not worry if you run out of something?


And why do I have such a big issue with it? It's not like I was starved as a young child or anything. Obviously.

Monday Motivation

Super Easy Mango Chicken

Everybody should have a couple of go to recipes for which they always have the ingredients on hand.

You know, for the nights that you just don't feel like cooking. (which for me happens way more than I'd like to admit)

This is one of our go to dinners.

Hope you enjoy!

double click to enlarge

Turtle Style

So I realized the other day that it has been almost a year since I first started running using the C25K program.
I know because I've kind of restarted it, only this time, I'm using it to increase my speed.
I know it sounds crazy, but I have got to do something to speed up.
Because I'm so stinking slow when I run.
Yes, I have had a couple of 11 minute miles. But even that is super slow for some most people.
My average pace is somewhere between 12 and 13 minutes/mile.
Too. Stinking. Slow.
And I really don't know how to speed up.
My legs could totally go faster.
My lungs? Not so much.
I know that I'm totally the turtle. That yes, I finish the race.
But I'm sick of running turtle style.
I want to just run.

Vegas...

So I think that whatever happened in Vegas totally didn't stay in Vegas. 
It came home with me, and I'm afraid it will join me on the scale this week.


Alcohol.
Food.
Walking.


I normally don't drink, but for an occasional sip here or there, but I totally did the tourist thing and shared a yard long margarita with Husband Saturday night. And then there was the second margarita on Sunday afternoon. I would like to say that I feel really guilty about both of them. But I don't. I love me a margarita, and it's been a really long time since I had one. Or two.


I pretty much threw caution to the wind this weekend when it came to food choices. I know that I could have done better, but I enjoyed every single calorie and savored every bite.


Oh, the walking. I know for a fact that Sunday afternoon alone we put in at least 5 miles. After our trip to the gym on Sunday morning. So I know that I could have made better choices on what I put in to my mouth. But I also know that we could have gotten in our car and driven everywhere, and instead we walked.


I am in no way delusional enough to think that walking around Vegas is in any way going to negate the thousands of calories that I ingested this weekend. Nor am I trying to justify it.


But we had a great time in Vegas. 
Just Husband and me.
No children.
No schedule.


How do you do Vegas?

Off Topic

Totally off topic today. 
Sorry.


Today is opening day. The first day of baseball season. Which means that until October, there will be a lot of baseball talk around this house. A LOT. Husband can hardly wait to get home from work so that he can watch the game I taped. The 2 year old is already asking to go to a game with Daddy. It's going to be another long 7 months.




This guy?

Yummy.
So. Stinking. Yummy.
I am so in love with him. Every minute. Of every day.




This?

Love. 
Husband has been working SO hard around here lately. And yes, my family room pretty much always lives in a state of disaster. I'm trying to be over it.




And I would totally post a picture of the 2 year old in nothing but a diaper and flip flops with his goggles on and a toy power tool in his hand, but I'm not that mean. Just picture it in your head. Loving every minute of this kid thing. ( Except the 6am wake up thing. That's totally not working for me.)




And if you haven't checked out Husband yet as he tries to train for a triathlon in the middle of working full time, taking care of our family, and being just overall AMAZING, check him out.


That is all. 


Have a great weekend!